Sunday, October 31, 2010

Samhain

Today is the day of Samhain, better known as All Hallow's Eve, or Halloween. This is the time that my Irish ancestors believed that the veil that seperates the world of the living from the world of the dead was at it's thinest, and that the dead could cross back into our world at this time. It's pretty easy to see why they would hold such a belief for this time of year. The first frosts of the year had already come and that which belonged to the summer was dead or dying, foreshadowing the coming cold, grey months of winter. On a late October evening, with the pale moon overhead, the chill wind blowing through the skeletal arms of the trees, rustling the dead and dying leaves, the world of the dead seems very close and you can almost feel the spirits in the air. Pretty sharp people, those Irish! :-D

Bonfires were, and still are, common, as is the tradition of wearing masks and costumes, meant to impersonate and placate the spirits. Here in America, this is when children dress up in costumes and go door to door looking for candy and tricksters, usually teens, toilet paper trees, smash pumpkins, soap windows, and egg cars. Adults often get into the act by also dressing in costumes to hand out candy to trick or treaters, going to work on Halloween itself or the last workday before, or to go to various Halloween parties. This day has also come to be known, officially, and somewhat dubiously, as the crossdresser's holiday, as this is the day that provides the best cover story for being out and about en femme. Now, some of you may wonder if I am going to really go all out today to femme it up, to ''Femulate''?

No.

If anything, I'll dress down today, and for most of you the reasons should be obvious. I am not a crossdresser, or rather, I consider myself to be crossdressing when I'm in drab, not en femme. I don't want to be seen as wearing a costume, this is who I am, I'm not playing some cute Halloween dress up game. I also don't have any special plans for tonight. No costume parties or any other such thing is on my schedule, if there were, I'd consider dressing as Morticia Addams, Elvira, or something equally creepy and gothic, which would be a costume. The last reason is that I already push the envelope to the far edge of androgeny, almost to overtly femme. Now, mind you, I don't think that what I am is a very well kept secret, and, in fact, I haven't tried to keep it one. Those closest to me know that I'm trans, but others that I interact with regularly, while I'm pretty sure that they suspect something, don't have anything to confirm or deny their suspisions and, for the moment, I intend to keep it that way. I'm not quite ready to give these people an ''AH,HA!'' moment.

If you are using this day as cover to crossdress, be my guest, there's absolutely nothing wrong with it. Enjoy yourself and have fun with it, but I won't be joining you.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Dani xxx

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Goodbye, Veronica

Please excuse me if this post isn't totally coherent, I'm trying to write it through my tears. I had a different post for today, one that I'm pretty sure will provoke some thought. That intention went out the window after read Veronica's last post to her blog. I'll put it up eventually, just not now.

Her's was the very first blog that I found when I was seeking out others like myself on the internet, way back shortly after she first started, when she still called it ''TransCanada''. I've followed her story ever since. It was through her blog that I found Lori D's blog, and then T-Central and all of you. Without Veronica, I wouldn't even be here today! I will miss her deeply, her words have guided me through some very dark times and continue to inspire me. I am truly greatful that she chose to share her journey to womanhood with all of us and I'm glad that she will leave her words as a guiding light through the darkness for those who come after.

I've had the deep, sinking feeling for awhile now that she would be making this move soon, as her story of transition was reaching it's end. But I'm also happy for her, as she has reached the end and has achieved that which many of us strive for. She's lead the way, now it's for us to follow. As she is now prepared to spread her wings and fly beyond this little corner of Blogistan I'm sure that I speak for all of us when I say that I hope that you will continue to stop by our blogs and offer your words to us. I wish you the very best of whatever this life has to offer, you deserve it!

WE ALL LOVE YOU!!

Dani xxx

Friday, October 29, 2010

Little boxes

Hi, everyone! Yesterday was a picture perfect Indian Summer day here in NH, warm and sunny, and I got out in the afternoon to enjoy the nice weather with a walk around town, continuing my neverending ''Battle of the Bulge'' Today's supposed to be pretty nice, too, but a bit cooler, so I'll probably do that again this afternoon...and, now to Rick, at our sports desk! :-D

I'm going to talk a bit more about an issue that I commented on at LeAnne's ''The Lighter side of being Transgender'' blog. Those annoying little ''M'' or ''F'' boxes that seem to appear on nearly every piece of paperwork that lands in our lap. I think that these little boxes are a bit like Tribbles, they seem to be born pregnant and do little more than breed more little boxes! :-D All kidding aside, at the very instant that we're born, we're inspected, catagorized, and arbitrarily placed inside a little box that says either ''M'' or ''F''. If your box was ''F'' you got the pink blanket, if it was ''M'' you got the blue one. In years past, those who's genitalia were in some way uncertain were subjected to horrifying surgical intervention to make them fit into one of those boxes, and in that, we in the trans community have been much more fortunate than our intersex brothers and sisters.

After birth, these little boxes take on a life of their own and multiply exponentially as the years go by. Medical records, school records, driver's license, marriage certificate, on and on ad infinitum, and these little boxes are immortal, they follow us even beyond the grave! Now, some would like to see other boxes added to the standard ''M'' or ''F'' to give other choices to those who's gender is in flux or those who don't identify as either gender, but I take the opposite approach. I'd like to see those little boxes done away with entirely! IMHO, those little boxes are little more than bureaucratic voyurisim, only about one step better than being a Peeping Tom! I see no reason why some pencil pusher at the DMV needs to know what's between my legs, I don't plan on being intimate with them! In any event, these boxes are, in most cases, unnessisairy, if your legal name is Jane, for example, and you're wearing a skirt, chances are that you identify yourself as female!

Okay, on a lighter note, from the ''Are you f'ing kidding me?!!'' department: A man who worked for McDonald's in Brazil for 10 years won a 65 thousand, that's right, THOUSAND!, dollar settlement in court because he gained 65 pounds while he worked there! This latest jaw-dropping denial of personal responsibility is truly astounding! It sounds like a ruling that would come out of the 9th circut court of appeals! Idiots like this is why we have ''CAUTION, CONTENTS MAY BE HOT'' stamped on styrofoam coffee cups!

Gee, I wonder if I can sue Anheuser-Bush? :-D

Dani xxx

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

I'm invited!

Hi, everyone! Alright, enough with politics for a few days, at least the ''D'' and ''R'' sort that masquerades as an effective gov't! :-D I think that I've caught up after being away from the web again! I've had something on my mind for awhile now, I'd actually meant to post about this over a week ago, but I got sidetracked and hadn't gotten to it until now.


A couple of weeks ago when I was checking my emails I was delighted to see that I had recieved an invitation to a private blog that's written by a person who's been pretty well known in this corner of Blogistan. I had stumbled onto her blog back when it was still public and I had always looked forward to what she had to say, as many of her life situations have paralels to my own life and I found her words both comforting and helpful in dealing with my own situation. She, of course, knew none of this at the time because this was back in my lurking days and I hadn't even joined Blogger yet. Then, suddenly, she was gone.


She has since explained to me in an email that going private was something that she hadn't wanted to do and that, in fact, it has cost her many followers, but to avoid trouble in her personal life that she'd had no choice. I understand her reasons and I have to agree. We all eventually have to come out of cyberspace and deal with meatspace and anything from here which may cause us grief in the real world must be dealt with aggresively. Some of us live in delicate situations with spouses, parents, and others and the utmost care must be taken. In this world that we live in everything that we do on the internet has the potential to follow us for years, if not forever.


This has made me ask myself if I would ever take my blog private or discontinue it entirely. I don't know. I've been pretty careful on the internet, so, so far, this isn't an issue that I've been too concerned about. I haven't left very big footprints in cyberspace. I don't use my last name here and I have, what I consider, a secondary email account for all of my non-trans stuff. My male name isn't all that Googleable, so making any connection to my activities online, while maybe not impossible, would probably be very difficult. I'm already private in that people that I know in the real world aren't too likely to find my blog unless they know where to look, and most don't. That being said, if it ever started causing me problems I'd have to consider going private or discontinuing.


I do find it very sad when someone has to go private or discontinue their blogs because the community becomes poorer when voices fall silent or can't be heard anymore and their unique stories are lost. I consider myself fortunate to have found her blog before it went private and I'm very happy that she was finally able to contact me and welcome me back to the club so that I can resume following the continuing story of this wonderful, witty woman. Sadly, future lurkers won't be able to, and I consider that to be a great loss for them.

Dani xxx

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Reload

Normally, I answer comments to my posts in my comment section, in fact, I still have comments from Fri. post to answer, please bear with me, I'll get to it eventually! :-D The comments on the ''Shooting Sacred Cows'' post from yesterday, however, perhaps deserves a follow up post to best answer.


Yes, I'm frustrated, in fact, I'm mad as hell! The Dems have missed the best, and probably the only chance that they'll have for a very, very long time to actually accomplish anything meaningful that will make a long term difference in the lives of the American people, in general, and the GBLT, in particular.


After Nov. 2, the Dems will, most likely, be in the political wilderness for at least the next generation as they're expected to experience historic losses that will make 1994 seem like nothing. At this point, it's a sure thing that they'll lose the House, and they may even loose the Senate. This means that we can forget all about ENDA, DADT, and DOMA, none of these will EVER pass in a GOP congress.


The blue dogs unquestionably threw a few monkey wrenches into the gears, but if there were someone in the White House with some leadership skills it may have been possible to do a better job of bringing them onboard. Reagan and Clinton achieved much of what they wanted working with a Congress that was run by the opposite party, one could've expected better from a Congress that's run by the same party as the POTUS. In any event, O is now irrelevant, it may as well be Homer Simpson sitting in the Oval Office for the next 2 years. He spent all of his political capital on health care and bailouts and has none left. He's already a lame duck and unless, by some miracle, everything turns around and we're going gangbusters, he's probably a dead duck in 2012, he's said as much himself.


I'm not laying all the blame on Obama, that wouldn't be fair. A lot of our current problems began back in the 90's under Clinton with NAFTA, outsourcing our manufacturing base, and the loosening of financial regs, and from there the GOP made matters worse. Enter the military industrial complex, who's profits had taken a hit since the end of the cold war and needed a little war to prop up their bottom line and all the while Wall St. was throwing around millions of dollars to buy both parties so that the good times kept rolling. Combine all of that with years of D.C. pols spending taxpayer money like drunken sailors and you have a perfect storm. Blood on all their hands and a pox on all their houses!


The very LAST thing that I want to see is a return to power of the big spending, big government Republicans of the last 10 years, but that's probably what's happening. I think that the best that can be hoped for is that they've learned their lesson after being spanked in 06 and 08, but I don't have any real faith in that. I'd also like to think that the Dems will wake up and smell the coffee after the beating they're going to take this year and, quite possibly, in 2012, but I don't have much faith in that, either. What I'd really like to see is a good, viable 3rd party with some common sense, but the way that the American political system is built it would take some people with some VERY deep pockets and a hell of a lot of grassroots support!

Dani xxx

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Shooting Sacred Cows

Okay, I've tried, I've really, REALLY tried! I've tried to avoid shooting what some in the community may consider sacred cows, but I just can't remain silent about this any longer! Anyone who has no interest in a somewhat long, drawn out, political rant may want to take a pass on this post.


In the interest of full disclosure I could perhaps be best described politicaly as an independent liberal conservative libertarian. None of the parties fit what I want, so every 2 years I have to make an agonizing compromise to decide who I'm going to vote for. Yesterday, Helen Boyd, whom I have the deepest respect for, asked the question ''Why Dems?'', which is the same question that I've been asking myself. To answer this question, I have to ask myself ''Am I better off now than I was 2 years ago?'', and, sadly, my answer to that is a resounding ''NO!''. 2 years ago I had a job, today I don't, 2 years ago my bills were up to date, today they're not, 2 years ago I wasn't rich, but I lived pretty well and I always had at least some money, today I don't, 2 years ago my plans were made and my transition was moving forward, today, my transition is stalled exactly where it was 2 years ago. Needless to say, this hopey changey thing hasn't worked out too well for me!


Rather than do the one thing that EVERYONE wanted the Dems to do, FIX THE DAMN ECONOMY, they chose to dither around for OVER A YEAR on a so-called ''Health Care Reform'' that will do nothing to help anyone, trans or otherwise, even if it survives the present court challenges intact, which I doubt. The repeal of DADT, promised 2 years ago, was shot down, the long awaited ENDA is stuck in commitee, and repeal of the DOMA isn't even on the radar. All of these things could have been done anytime after Al Franken took office because the dems had a SUPER MAJORITY and the GOP couldn't stop them! All 3 will remain a ''goddamn pipe dream'' after January as none of them will see the light of day for at least the next generation!


I honestly think that some in the GBLT must have something similar to Battered Spouse Syndrome! The Dems promise us the moon long enough to get our money and votes, and then promptly forget or ignore those promises until the next election cycle, when they tell us that it'll all be different this time. Wash, rinse, repeat. And the GBLT fall for it EVERY SINGLE TIME! Barney Frank, the very picture of a rich, white, gay male, would love nothing better than for poor gays and lesbians of color, and all trans, to crawl back into the closet, shut the door, and shut up. The Dem party is NOT our friends or our allies! Say what you will about the GOP, and there's plenty to say, you've got to at least respect them for their honesty. They don't like us, they don't support us, and they don't blow smoke up our asses telling us otherwise.


DADT, ENDA, DOMA, health care, and the economy are just the begining of the massive incompetence that the Dems have shown! There's also cap and trade, which, if ever passed, will make utility costs skyrocket and will finish the job of destroying the US economy, the gross mismanagement of the Gulf oil spill, the failure to defend our southern border, and the foreign policy blunders which has weakened America, emboldened our enemies, and harmed our friends. The only thing that they seem to have actually done right is withdrawing from Iraq, but, PLEASE, don't tell them that or they'll find a way to screw that up, too!


Now, don't misunderstand me, I don't like the GOP either! True conservatisim left that party long ago and I doubt that those clowns can drive the clown car in the D.C. circus any better than the clowns who are driving it now, but at this point they couldn't possibly do much worse!

Dani xxx

Friday, October 22, 2010

Hair today, gone tomorrow

Sorry, I just couldn't resist using that for a title! :-D


Just a short post about a very long subject. today I was engaged in the mundane, time consuming, annoying, and all too regular task of body hair removal and I thought, for the millionth time ''There's GOT to be a better way!''.


Yes, I know, laser, but that tends to be expensive and while it needs to be done sooner or later it's just not happening now. I've tried epilating but that's more time consuming than shaving and you never seem to get all of the hair. Nair NEVER works unless you leave it on long enough for a really nice chemical burn. Waxing works but you've got to let the hair grow out, as you do with all of the above, and OWWW!


Jill Paige had a post yesterday that mentioned Vaniqa, I know that's just for the face, but I think I'll look into that some more, every little bit helps! I've also seen infomercials about the No No hair removal system, that may be worth finding out more about. Supposedly, it uses a thermal tip to crystalize the hair and you don't even need to let it grow out! Oh, well, in the meanwhile, I guess I'll just have to buy more blades!

Dani xxx